Guess Which Seven are the Profiles of the Men who Cheat
Recent rockstar. This guys sooo wants to be a hero it hurts. His academic resume: nerd in high school… nerd in college… nerd the first two years out of school/grad school. His ‘number' is under 10. Guess who's having a coming out party?! That's right mister second year associate. Just bought a new (used) Porsche. Just did Vegas Palms. Just did Marriott in Palm Springs . Just did a protein shake. Loves Ayn Rand. Burst his bubble by asking as you sit in fastback leather seating, “Oh my gosh, what did you drive BEFORE this?”.
Mr. Content. None of the ego warning signals have changed for him in the past three years. His car is almost coming to the end of its four year lease- he might just buy it cuz the residual value is under $20k. You met through friends that wanna set you up but you don't think he's got game. Mr Content is all about FOLLOW thru. Bad at intros but great at the relationship. Too bad you're into bad boys.
Social Climber. Might appear a tad aloof and name droppin' but make no quick judgements… His goal mindedness is bad in the social scene but f-an-A he's got GOALS. He even has restaurant eating goals and he never eats a Saturday night meal in the same place. For work he's at a Fortune 200 and then at night works on his own business that is gonna kill (Citibank, Warner Bros, eBay). Or he just buys/sells via Craig's List- Internet clicks- top soil- widgets. His two jobs ensure cash security in the future. He jocks older guys for advice and has man charm. Forgive his arrogance but run if he goes dutch on any dates 1-4.
Joey Burnout. Women like to “buy” guys on the way up. Let me share something with you. Every meteoric rise is littered with ex-girlfriends. If women were fund managers, they'd 1) buy only rising stocks, 2) bet the ranch based on a tip from a twice divorced hairdresser, 3) select flash over quality and 4) never have any idea as to what is really in the bank. Don't overlook his temporary rut.
Mr. Oliver Twist aka the Orphan. This is perhaps the most dangerous. Twist has hugely alluring qualities that you've never seen in any other normal man (a regular guy with two parents). He lies about absent family and will even describe a pseudo father (the guy that he grifted with. A grifter is a scam artist that cons people for money). Everything is cold and calculated. No one is close. You are too innocent to ever diagnose the Orphan.
Addicted to Work. Like all people that find love /comfort / menaing in a substance, he will lie about his addiction. Telltale signals are irregular sleep patterns and a tendency to forgo food, water, alcohol, sex for MORE WORK. He'll only abuse a substance or work out if it helps him work better. He swears that after this ONE deal closes that he'll stop working so much. After this ONE deal he'll stop sleeping on his work SOFA. Spot him with the gym bag at work with about three changes of clothes. His laundry (and jeans) gets delivered to the office. This stud showers more away from home. Hire him but don't do him. Do him but don't get attached to him. Get attached to him but don't change him. Change him but do get about ten hobbies for yourelf in the meantime. His wife-mistress-obsession rolled into one makes up for some deficiency you'll never solve.
The Hobbiest. Has thirty “passions”. Studied law about ten years ago and now doesn't do anything. Claims a lucrative exit but when it comes to paying the bill, he turtles. May not be great long term but he sure does now the best camping spots, trails to hike, boats to sail, half domes to marathon. Beware of any guys who are first name basis with a park ranger (or the bouncer).
God is Single and so am I. This kid uses his man-charm to invite you to church on Sunday. His ‘number' (# of girls he's brought to church is over 30. When he was in college on CCC (Campus Crusade for Christ), he invited 20 girls to pancake breakfast and 20 came.) Can't date you because Jesus is his boyfriend/father/best friend and until you do the same, you're unequally yoked. If he's so hot you can't take it, fake it.
High School Hero College Zero. You know those nights where you peak too early?! Well, now you know Mr. CZ. The question you have to ask is, where is he in his self understanding. If he knows it you're good. If he's in denial you're onto your next at-bat. IF you need reasoning it's the pink elephant syndrome. Once you point it out, the issue gets addressed.
Mr Nice. He's just really nice and doesn't want just one thing from you. Too bad you're not interested.
The Playboy. This guy has more friends who are girls that you do. Half his girlfriends you've met have grinded grown-ups with him. The other half want to. He has the checkout clerk laughing at his cheesie humor and is charm charm charm all day long. Don't blame him. He just is comfortable with women. Don't rule him out, he can be loyal. Just because your golder retriever gets pet and slobbers on by strangers doesn't mean he wouldn't think twice about rescuing you from a fire.
Mr Work Hard Play Harder. Anyone talking this game just plays. Lies about the job level he's at. Lies about academic pedigree. His dad was a coal miner/ plumber. He's uncomfortable having eclipsed his father by age 23. He needs to self destruct and he's doing it by ‘playing'.
Mr. Mooch. He's really not cheap. He's just cheap when it comes to wooing you. Don't ever tell anyone someone's a moochie mooch siddler. What you're really saying is that he didn't spend part of his $35k on you. The opposite guy is the one you wanna grind cuz he buys drinks for fat girls just to have the charma of the universe land Jessica in his lap.
Mr Pedigree. Everything is perfect on paper. Right school, right family (sister lives one area code away), right everything. You can't fall for this cuz there's too much pressure. You can't put out cuz who wants to ruin a perfect evening of dinner, a show, a nightcap with SEX?! Don't worry, he is getting set up by his family that selected his wife back in 1985 when Bobby (Thomas Robert Bailey III) was two.
Mr. Overnight. He's been a loser his whole working life. We call him Mr Overnight because he thinks with a little luck, this new venture will sell for a billion bucks. Too bad fortune favors the bold, not the lazy. Mr. Loser's father was a loser too. His biggest successes are vicarious. His wiring is all wrong.
The Rebel. If I hurt myself, I can get back at my parents for sending me to UniHigh or whatever private school. That strategy works while you're a teenager but look in the mirror and taste what 27 looks like.
The Namechanger. If you change your name in anyway, you're a mess. Don't get me wrong a nickname with its own persona ON VACATION is hilarious. Having a complete name change is like playing a video game and pressing RESET when you're having a bad game.
Big Talk No Walk. Almost a cliché but you're a girl and maybe you can mother him into actually walking the talk. Check the ego warning signals and interrogate a little. Big talker might actually be a stud sandbagging his real talent.